See the Frustrated Fiftysomething Guy,
Who took the President's other newfound piece of advice:
"So nobody will hire you? Start your own business!"
Funnily enough, the unemployment counselor said the same thing.
Suitably encouraged, Frustrated Fiftysomething Guy
Dumped whatever he hadn't spent from his 401K,
Into his own hardware store downtown.
He splurged on a splashy grand opening party,
Took a crash course in social media,
And talked up his new venture every chance he got.
Now, fast forward six months later:
The customers aren't kicking down the doors,
Because they can't afford so much as a circular saw.
All those 20 and 30 percent off sales didn't help, either.
Now, Frustrated Fiftysomething Guy is falling behind on rent,
Owes money to his suppliers, and can't afford to advertise.
At this rate, he'll probably close his doors
Before the first anniversary passes.
By the time he's done, Frustrated Fiftysomething Guy
Will have burned up the remainder of his 401K,
Without any immediate hope of paying
All those back taxes and small business loans.
There's one silver lining, though...maybe he can spend
The last night's take on a Consolation Pub Crawl
With all the other Failed Entrepreneurs
In the neighborhood.
Let's face it...how many more backyard bakers,
Carpenters, haircutters or mechanics
Do we need right now, anyhow?
Nobody's got the money to hire 'em!
--The Reckoner
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