This is a stream of consciousness thread. This article is about how I feel around Middle Class/Upper Middle Class plus women. Yes some envy is in here. Yes I know envy is a sin. Hey I'm not perfect.
The feeling of loneliness from being poor though can be immense. Even in a poorer rural area, all the poor people kept to themselves. While trying to do the usual thing of wanting to"meet" friends,, I met mostly middle class or above people. How come I never meet anyone like me? I don't mean EXACTLY but Poor like I am? It is a strange aspect of American society especially among whites, that the poor are so isolated.
At least if I lived in the inner city, there would be far more chance of friends and family in the same boat with me. We would not be so alone. We would not be judged and would be seen as people too. Instead of meeting those who defend our oppression, we would have people around us, who know and admit the system is crooked. Perhaps in some niches of Appalachia, there are fellow poor white people in one community but not around here. We live on the edge.
The majority of non-disabled working class or poor people are working all the time, there's no leisure time for book clubs or bible studies. If they are unemployed or disabled, they are at home sick, housebound or depressed. Even my getting out happens only in two moderate seasons of the year. So especially for the poor white woman, if you are poor and down and out, you are surrounded by people of a higher socioeconomic class then you if you dare to leave your apartment or rented room......
Some of the rich people are nice too. I don't want to put down the nice rich people just express how I feel inside. Yes there are people poorer who do not have Internet hook up and weren't blessed with some education. I have friends who are richer then me too but sometimes it gets hard being the one poor woman in the crowd all the time.
I'll never fit in.
There's some stray threads on my old dress, I should have snipped them off. I wonder if I am going to have to figure out how to get all the grey in my hair dyed. How is their hair so smooth? How on earth do they afford all those dye jobs for their hair, and two tone ones too? None of their hair ever seems scraggly or with split ends. The perms, and hair coloring look good. I have never been able to afford something like that.
All those fancy I-phones and Kindles, and they got crisp new models with fancy covers. Book clubs can be scary now when one has to admit, "I don't have a Kindle". Library book clubs are free but forget book clubs where you have to BUY the book or not be able to find it at the library.
How come they ALL have families? Didn't anyone else not have children? Am I the only infertile woman in the world? Their families all seem to respect and care about them. They have barbecues, dinner parties, and host the family over for various holidays. They spend my entire week's food budget on a giant turkey or beef rump roast or steaks for the grill.
They are always going on visits to their family even people who are far away on airplanes or being able to drive hundreds or thousands of miles and rent a hotel. Everyone seems to have grandchildren and their grown children are always having babies and there's no 20 somethings struggling and living with the milk crates. Their jobs are gotten right out of college and there's no problem with supporting all those babies, the cars to drive to work to take care of them, the cribs and day-care. My family threw me away because I didn't have the right economic life. They fly to Switzerland while I wait in line at the food pantry for a box of food. They talk about their families a lot. How do you tell people, "I have no family?".
Will they believe me when I say I am married? I don't wear a wedding ring. How did they all afford those double-tier rocks on their fingers both young and old? My finger is too swollen for the thirty dollar silver ring we used for the ceremony 18 years ago. Some old fashioned people have assumed I "live in sin", and am not legally married but I have our marriage certificate just like them.
All those new clothes, everything looks neat, new and very clean. There are no stains, or stray threads. They wear newer shoes and a variety of shoes, where one isn't wearing the same shoes all the time. Their outfits change, they don't wear the same 4 outfits on a row in a repeating cycle. They have "summer" and "winter" clothes. You wear the brown dress in the middle of July and November. They buy their clothes new.
They live in suburban houses with neat lawns and new furniture. These houses or sometimes rarely apartments and condos have clean kitchens, new dishes, knickknacks and polished marble surfaces. I envy how easy it would be to clean nice new things and to polish smooth wooden floors. These things are so beyond my means it's not funny. "Don't let those two nice church ladies visit your apartment and see how poor you are." You know the few you dared to let in have talked. Be careful to keep your mouth shut about money problems or being poor. Act like you are a normal person too. You don't want to be judged. The less more people know the better off you are.
One ex-friend remarked on how you wore the same clothes all the time and for years. Another remarked on how "those two own nothing". Going to visit other people's houses [not as much in the last few years] and seeing new rugs, and couches, and hearing about re-modelings and things that you could never imagine. Being stuck with an old carpet that is always too dirty. Judgment on the eyes of some who always asked, "why don't you fix this place up?"
Things I have heard around here:
"I'm going to the Virgin Islands this week, it's the fourth time I've been there!"
"I just went on a cruise down the Mediterranean, and visited Italy and Spain!"
"My husband took me and my children to China"
"I spent two years in Honduras"
Do any of our rich ever stay home? So wonder they are in love with globalism and vote for people who throw the poor of America over the side of the boat. This is JUST some of what I get to hear around my rich resort town. Why is everyone here so rich? How did they get so much money? Wht secret did I miss out on? Money seems to pour into their lives.
They not only afford the new cars and nice homes but constant travel. It's like living around people who won the Lotto. One advantage is there is more charity here, but one major disadvantage is "WHO IS THERE TO TALK TO?"
But beyond the STUFF and the TRAVEL THAT HAS TO COST THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS JUST FOR THE PLANE TICKETS, which is only so important......
They all seem so happy, and like they feel safe, and at ease and like they belong in the world. I think that's the worse part. That's the part I envy MOST. They BELONG. Why couldn't that be me? ---The Squawker.
![[picture source]](http://dwellingsnyc.com/sites/default/files/images/Depositphotos_snobby%20old%20woman.jpg){kind=link}
Yeah, I've stumbled across a few of these women with you, and seen the bruising outcome of those particular collisions first hand -- I still remember the one who showed up at our former apartment, just so she could palm off her boxes of junk, including unused Christmas ornaments, and God knows what else. Then, to top it all off, of course, she didn't even stay around -- said she was "busy" (the magical B-word that's always invoked), though (as usual) she never said what. So I know where you're coming from here...like the Buzzcocks say, "I've seen the movie, and it doesn't move me." --The Reckoner
ReplyDeleteYes I have learned to avoid ones like that. I don't mind ones of good will who are truly helpful but I wish I had said NO, and I have learned through the years not to give time to the ones who always brag about being "busy" [I think that is some upper middle class marker where every minute has to be vouched for in this ever present-productivity contest] She was never a real friend either and well the lady she matched in personality from here, I felt deja vu all over again.---The Squawker
DeleteSome rich people are self-made millionaires and millionairesses because they don't have a narcissistic parent smearing against them when they were young adults working on their lives. Some rich people grew up wealthy. They are the ones who receive trust fund and inheritance checks. Some children of wealthy people could be nicer than those who trampled on others in order to be wealthy. Some narcs became wealthy but they are not good people. They became wealthy by hurting others. Some narcs became wealthy by manipulating a wealthy person to marry them.
ReplyDeleteThe wealthy people you described are out-of-touch, self-absorbed Calvinists, Republicans, or narcs. The nicer ones you met are those who have greater empathy for those who are unfortunate or who do not have enough ruthlessness or malignant narcissism to trample on other. They care enough to figure out how to treat others the way they wanted to be treated. Those who do not care will not treat others right. How they treat you and others usually show where they stand and what is important to them. It also reveals how they feel about God.
I learned recently that a so-called local friend is wealthy. She pretends that she is poor. She told me that she applied to get into a subsidized housing program, and her adult children apply for section 8 voucher or to get into a subsidized apartment. However, she owns five properties in which she rents. She charges $3,000 per month on her apartment rentals and does not help poor or struggling people to get their affordable housing. (cont.)
I agree some are self made, some had good fortune in the career they chose and did put in some hard work or had a business succeed. Others have gotten inheritances too. Many did not have a smearing and inheritance denying narcs to contend with too.
DeleteSome people do become wealthy by being evil and cheating the system and others. There are neutral and also nice wealthy people. Some give to charity and have consciences.
Yes many of the ones who are Calvinist in outlook and strident Republicans, they have a negative view of the poor, and a cold hard look at the world. Many have been trained to set aside empathy for the down and out.
Rich people who don't have empathy differ greatly from ones who do. We will see there yes where they stand with God and if their wealth is used for good or evil.
That is sad you know a rich person pretending to be poor and trying to get Sect 8. She sounds like someone who uses the system. Her extravagant rent shows that she is definitely gouging people and up to no good.
She hired her daughter to charge new tenants at least $6,000 before they move-in and to make people feel bad if they come up short. I heard that her daughter is not a Christian so she has some gall to make people feel bad if they don't have $6,000 to move in at a certain date. My other local friend chose not to rent her apartment or hire her daughter. She chose to work with a nicer man who gave her rides to apartment and agrees to take whatever she has when she moves in this weekend.
ReplyDeleteMy so-called friend is cheap stake. She complains about the price of the foods in restaurants, customer services, and asks for freebies. If a certain food is salty or too cold, she would go home, write comments online, and then waited for a gift card to arrive in the mail. Several times, she received $25 to $30 gift certificate from a national chain restaurant for complaining about food. She is afraid of germs so she tells me that people sneeze on parmesan cheese or olive oil sitting on the table, and asked a waitress for a glass of hot water to place our utensils in.
She told me to put my hair-up before we went to an event last December. I was angry and confronted her for telling me what to do. I did not want to be her charity case Last weekend, she told my other local friend that I need to stop eating cake in the church's luncheon since I was too "overweight." She told my local friend to tell me to wear bras, because she can't tell me anything without getting me angry. She claimed that I get angry or offended too easily. Beause I wore a sports bra and was told by skinny people that I am not fat, I was offended. My local friend thinks the wealthy woman wants freebies from us, and when we give her free stuff, she will discard us.
But not all wealthy people are like Donald Trump and that strange woman. Several people who told me that they are self-made millionaires offered to help me with my future businesses or something I will need. I thanked him and we keep in touch as usual. Some wealthy people have narcs in their lives so they have to be cautious with whom they give money to or which organizations to donate.
I'm glad you found good wealthy people. I think they are rare good people as good people from other social classes. I learned from a local friend that some wealthy people play games on middle-class and poor people with their "trust issues," by calling us "gold diggers," and being two-faced. (cont.)
Who would have 6,000 available but the very wealthy? Even if I was rich, I would not ditch three thousand a month on rent, no way no how. I think there is a point where someone is just using and abusing people and it seems to apply there.
DeleteYes your supposed friend sounds toxic and like a narcissist who has decided that nothing is good enough and wants to criticize people and put them ill at ease. She sounds very abusive, and yes those people are often control freaks and neat freaks. She could have OCD but when someone bosses someone around for their OCD problems that is crossing boundaries. I avoid people who tell me what to eat, and how to dress and how to clean, and at this age there is little chances they will change me, and people who want to change you or do project stuff are not real friends. I am glad you see through her.
Some wealthy people are nice and will treat you decent but yes we want the ones of poor character and who will judge the poor as lessers, to leave us alone.
Yes, some wealthy people, especially narcs, make us feel out-of-place and down. I know it's hard not to feel down when we see them. I hope you will find more good wealthy people who really care to think of others before they say or do something. That eccentric woman is a very selfish woman so she does not consider my feelings or concerns before she opened her mouth. She does not take the time to think about her attitudes and behavior before she does something. She hangs out with her adult children because she does not have many friends.
ReplyDeleteIf wealthy people chose to be difficult and mean, nobody will want to be around with them. They use money to buy people's affections if they are too difficult and mean.
I think that toxic "friend" of yours will end up alone too. She is not very nice, and even her adult children are probably wary and afraid and considering going no contact. I have been around wealthy people where I do not feel down and "judged". I think if we feel "judged" around a person, that is a red flag.
Delete