Monday, September 11, 2017

Not Another List Article: How To Fail As A Writer (Rebutted)

<Photo & Artwork: The Reckoner>

First off, the usual full disclosure: as I've said before, I think, I enjoyed The Book Of Lists and The People's Almanac...first, as a pre-teen, and then, as a high school student, curious about the world around me. In lesser hands, though, the concept underwhelms, which is how I feel about endeavors like one that caught my eye on Bookbaby.com recently: “How To Fail As A Writer.” 

So, in the spirit of providing counter-information, our rebuttals follow below, one mind-numbing trope at a time:

1. Don’t worry too much about your opening line. Readers will soon be past it and into the good stuff.

Fair enough, but maybe the author prefers to ease us into the story. Consider Maj  Sjowall's and Per Wahloo's seventh entry in the Martin Beck mystery series, The Abominable Man (1971). The first chapter simply describes the killer's late night drive through Stockholm, to reach his target – whom he slaughters at the hospital, with a bayonet, in the next chapter. In just eight pages, we've gone from mundane to terrifying. This approach works well, in the right hands. 

2. Don’t be concerned that your ending goes off with a fizzle. The rest of the book was worth the price of admission.

Same response as #1. Sure, sizzle trumps fizzle, but one person's “fizzle” is another person's subtle coda. For further reference, see how The Abominable Man ends:

"Bohlin too climbed up on the roof and looked around.


"'For Christ's sake, why didn't you shoot?' he said. 'I don't get it --'"

"'No one expects you to,' Gunvald Larrson interrupted him. 'By the way, have you got a license for that pistol?'

"Bohlin shook his head.

"'In that case you're probably in trouble,' said Gunvald Larrson. 'Now, come on, let's carry him down.'"

3. Don’t worry about typos and grammatical errors. Trivial details won’t bother veteran readers.

Again, depends on a) your audience, b) intent, and c) underlying rationale. Sniffin' Glue, which launched the whole punk fanzine movement, is riddled with errors, large and small...but we're still reading it and talking about it today. If you're not doing Sniffin' Glue, then, yeah, get a proofreader.

4. Go with your first complete draft as your final draft. Your gut instincts were correct the first time around, you’ll just dilute them when you edit.

Didn't hurt Allen Ginsberg, William Burroughs or Jack Kerouac, right? Whose ghosts would you hang out with in that After Life Waiting Room – the above gents, or the editor of Lawnmower Quarterly, who's sweating over every comma till his hands bleed? 'Nuff said!

5. Only write when the urge hits you. If you need discipline to write, it’s not really writing.

Many big name authors, like Stephen King, make a point of writing so-and-so many words a day, regardless, because it's a discipline, some sort of a job, blah-blah-blah...doesn't work for me at all. I'm not the type who waits all day for inspiration, but let's face it – I got into writing, and other creative activities, in hopes of escaping the nine-to-five (plus) job. The day I approach it that way is the day I think about doing something else.

6. Do not exercise, enjoy hobbies, or have any kind of life . Any minute spent not writing is time down the drain.

Some people thrive on battering till the job gets done. If that means locking themselves away from friends, TV or Internet, why should we care, if the results kick ass? Leave 'em alone, and leave 'em to it!

7. Sleep as little as possible. Sleep deprivation will unlock your inner writing god.

Maybe, maybe not. No two writers' circadian rhythms run alike. For reference, I only need to look at my household. I'm a dedicated night owl, who's lived much of his life between “midnight to six,” as the Pretty Things say. By contrast, Squawker is more of a day person, and would probably wilt trying to keep my hours. In other words: to each his own.



<Failure is not an option.>

8. Quit your day job immediately. Work gets in the way of your writing.

I can only speak for myself here. When you're doing that 40-hour drill, as I once did, time is the rarest element on your personal periodic table. Not surprisingly, you often feel squeezed, even resentful, of having to divide your creative energies with The Man's demands and expectations. On the plus side, you're less likely to waste time, because every minute counts (literally).

Now, after a decade of self-employment, the creative ball game has changed. I feel more relaxed, after doing my “rent money party” stuff – those un-sexy, greenback-generating activities that you need to pay the freight – I have more freedom to pursue creative activities that often got diverted, postponed, or sidetracked, depending on whatever juggling I was doing that week between my day job, household demands, and personal life.

So it's not a case of, "Is one schedule better than another?" A better question might be, "Here's Door Number 1. Here's Door Number 2. Both carry big tradeoffs. Which ones can you live with, depending on which door swings open?"

9. Be as original as possible, forget conforming to any genre expectations.

Should every writer resign themselves to cranking out genre fodder? Some of the biggest splashes – books, film, or TV, take your pick – have come from defying the expectations that straitjacket the best-laid genre fiction. Imagine a tone-deaf executive's reaction to Vince Gilligan's famed pitch for “Breaking Bad”: “You're gonna turn a mild-mannered high school chemistry teacher into 'Mr.Chips'? Are you kidding me? The teacher's unions will crucify us!” Thankfully, it didn't happen that way.

10. Ignore the belief that publishable books have structure or that you need one.

Didn't stop anyone from reading Naked Lunch, or On The Road, right? To name only two famous works that break this rule.

11. Leave details as ambiguous as you can. Let your readers rely on their mind-reading abilities to intuit what you really meant .

Ambiguity is a powerful tool, actually. Haiku is rife with it. Russian literature couldn't exist without it. Scandinavian crime fiction extensively integrates it into the plotlines (such as in our above example, The Abominable Man, whose victim turns out to have been one brutal SOB in uniform, once Beck and his colleagues dig deeper). A pox on such commandments!

12. Make sure your readers cannot easily form mental images from your story.

Overdosing on imagery and exposition is equally bad. I remember a high school teacher saying how much he loved James Michener, with one caveat – at times, he found himself wishing for a bit less detail: “I love him, but sometimes, I find myself asking, 'When he's gonna get done?'”

13. Don’t worry about logical inconsistencies, keep your readers on their toes!

Like so many aspects of writing, inconsistency depends on who defines it – but it's not necessarily a show stopper, as any child of the '60s and '70s can tell you, particularly when you consider how network TV worked then. 

Consider “Batman”'s infamous third (and final) season. It's a season where the Penguin doesn't seem to recognize Alfred, the loyal butler, despite their many previous run-ins; Batman seems unable to suss out Batgirl's secret identity, even after spending time with her under their respective civilian alter egos (Bruce Wayne, Barbara Gordon); and strange, second-tier villains like the hyper-feminist menace, Nora Clavicle, flout their own conventions by dressing in slinky, sexy outfits (that men, presumably, might find appealing -- instead of the Margaret Thatcher prison matron's garb you'd expect her to wear, right?).

In short, the scriptwriters tossed consistency out the window totally, after a stellar first season, and a reasonably solid second one (despite a handful of clunkers). Even so, for all the above howlers, they're part of our pop cultural memory bank, and they've never stopped airing (consistent or not).

14. Do not waste time learning the craft of writing. Focus on producing lots of words – that’s what writing is all about.

Of course, it's worth remembering that, once upon a time, producing lots of words is exactly what writers did, because that's how they got paid. Pulp-era titans like Edgar Rice Burroughs and Zane Grey earned, on average, five to 10 cents a word, or $3,000-4,000 per novel produced. Even so, disparities persisted, as Burroughs famously groused about his rival: "Zane Grey, the only writer who probably tops my sales, owns yachts and beautiful summer homes ... he cruises all over the world, while I sit here with my nose to the grindstone."

The point is that, in this scenario, craft took second priority to simpler considerations (like selling) -- although Burroughs tried, in vain, to crack the slick magazines, without success. He saw himself as a populist entertainer and storyteller first, as he explained his decision to start writing at 35, after many failed business ventures ("I made up my mind that if people were paid for writing such rot as I read, I could write stories just as rotten").

Those issues are no less apparent today. How artful does a Harlequin romance novelist really need to be, for example, given the formula they're expected to follow? Which isn't to suggest you should give up, or give in, because writing is a craft. Just realize, that in certain situations, you may have to make some allowances. 


<Failure is not an option.>

15. Don’t read, not even the great authors. And especially never read other authors in your genre . Their writing might rub off on you and make yours less original.

Here's the flipside of that argument. I've seen many aspiring writers soak up favored influences, to their detriment. How else to explain the countless Charles Bukowski wannabes that I endured at college literary readings, as they tripped over one another in recreating his style, while exploring the seamier side of East Lansing's happy hour bars, sweater-clad armies of preps, and split-level aluminum siding. None of them, of course, had ever experienced a county hospital ward, a drunk tank or racetrack. Net result? I stopped reading Bukowski for quite awhile. 

16. Do not research your topic. Your intuition is more compelling than facts.

If you're writing a historical period piece, that's one thing. If you're interweaving bits of life experience with anecdotes, journal entries, and news articles – that's a different kettle of piranha, as they say in England. A story or a novel is more than just an array of facts, no matter how artfully arranged.

17. Do not ever read for other writers. Critiquing will just cloud your mind and take your focus off your own work.

Skip to Statements #22 and #23.

18. If an editor critiques your writing, stick to your guns that it’s his fault he didn’t understand “what you really meant.”

Most editors' suggestions, in my experience, will raise your game. That only makes the boneheads stand out more, such as the one who change a quote of mine, about a rock guitarist who questioned his manager's agenda. The quote changed from, "He sussed him out, good and proper," to, "He cussed him out, good and proper." Apparently, the guy had no grip on the subtleties of British slang, but did he ask me? I didn't find out till the back issues hit my PO box. Yes, I went ballistic, but I couldn't fix the damage after the fact. Every time I see that quote, I get irritated all over again. Trust me: sometimes, it's best to stand your ground.

19. If a reader gives you feedback that something in the plot seems to be missing, ignore her. Better yet, prove it’s “all there” by pointing to page 224, where three words in the middle of a paragraph at the end of the chapter “explain it all.”

Like editors, readers can help by pointing out things you've missed, or call attention to issues that might slip past you. Or, as I've seen on many a Goodreads site, or forum – they can also bang on endlessly about minor points, dredge up irrelevancies that don't matter, or miss the point you're trying to drive home.

20. Never back up the electronic copy of your work. It’s good for your creative juices to be in constant fear of losing your book beyond the event horizon of the cyber black hole.

Now this statement actually makes sense! But you can't force people to back up their data. Nor is it a new issue, as I remember from seeing people in journalism classes rush to share their latest scoop, and snap on the tape recorder, only to watch their faces sag when you heard: "Fzzzzzzzz....

 The “I've Gotten Away With It So Far” Club is stuffed with too many charter members who left their creations in the laps of the digital gods – and suffered accordingly. It's one reason why I write out a lot of my stuff in longhand first, or even dictate it into a digital voice recorder. Different strokes, different folks, and all that.

21. Forget the idea of practicing any kind of writing other than your book. It’s just a distraction.

Didn't hurt J.D. Salinger, did it? As he famously noted about his best-known work, The Catcher In The Rye, he claimed to have spent 30 years – essentially, whatever life he'd lived, up till then – in preparing to write it. As I've aleady noted, some people thrive on that kind of single-mindedness.


<Failure is not an option.>

22. Do not stoop so low as to take the advice of writers who have walked the path before you. You need to find your own path in your own way.

23. Never show your writing to anyone.

These last two statements mirror each other, so I'll tackle them together. Generally speaking, you will have to figure out your own path, because you may encounter people who try steering you in their direction -- whether it makes sense, or doesn't -- or fail to understand what you're doing.

Getting feedback is a good idea. Just remember, though, it's not always infallible. Take the oft-told story of Van Halen's producer, Ted Templeman, goading Eddie Van Halen, into re-recording one of his guitar solos...again. And again. And again.. Finally, after many frustrating, fruitless hours, Eddie went into the studio alone, late at night, and recorded the solo he felt like doing. But he didn't breathe a word to anybody. The next day, Templeman heard the results, and -- so the story goes -- said: “Great!” Don't feel surprised if this happens to you once or twice in your travels.

Let's face it – allowing list articles to guide your creative destiny is like asking your friendly neighborhood fortune teller if that job offer (Chief Rat Killer) is the one that you've really wanted all your life. Except the fortune teller's batting average might end up a tad higher than the list article. --The Reckoner



<Photo & Artwork: The Recokner>


Links To Go (Hurry, Before 
Somebody Writes Another Damned List Article):
Bookbaby: How To Fail As A Writer:
http://blog.bookbaby.com/2016/09/how-to-fail-as-a-writer/?utm_campaign=BB1723&utm_source=BBeNews&utm_medium=Email&spMailingID=54221551&spUserID=MjIyOTk2MTAzNDE3S0&spJobID=1181011978&spReportId=MTE4MTAxMTk3OAS2


Odyssey: A List Article
About Why I Hate List Articles:
https://www.theodysseyonline.com/list-article-hate-list-articles

The Daily Telegraph: 
Xenophobic Hack Or Master Storyteller?:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/films/2016/07/06/xenophic-hack-or-master-storyteller-the-wild-world-of-edgar-rice

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Trumpcare Demise Takeaways (& Guest Cartoon: The Highwayman)

<The Highwayman: "Christmas For The People">

Trumpcare is dead, for now.  As we saw last month, on live TV, John McCain's (R-AZ) dramatic "thumbs" down gesture on the Senate floor finally scuttled his party's effort to strip millions of their dearly-won health insurance -- whether they owed it to the Affordable Care Act itself, or living in a Medicaid expansion state (like me). The bats have been forced back into the abyss, leaving Trumpcare to join the love bead, the Nehru jacket, the pet rock, and the Sears cocktail dress in the Hall of Historical Japes

Fittingly, for me, the so-called "skinny repeal" psycho circus (July 27-28) coincided with a medical procedure -- like Trump's election, when I underwent an emergency tooth extraction the morning after, as I've already written here:

https://ramennoodlenation.blogspot.com/2016/12/lifes-little-injustices-take-ix-month.html

The night before the skinny repeal psychodrama unfolded, I underwent a vascular procedure that had eluded me for a decade, due to my uninsured status. Basically, I needed to close a vein or two. It wasn't life-threatening, but the doctor told me that -- had I waited much longer -- I'd surely start feeling worse, since  blood had been pooling in my legs, and feet...not snaking back up to the groin, as Nature intended.

So I laid down on the table, and got the job done. I didn't feel any pain, aside from a half-dozen pokes of the doctor's needle. Naturally, my inner thigh felt a little tender afterwards, but all that's ebbed away as I sit here writing. Needless to say, I feel better than I've felt in ages. And it didn't cost me a dime (at least, I haven't seen a bill yet).

However, without my Medicaid card's surprise appearance in my mailbox a couple months ago, my surgery would never have happened. I can't even count, over the last decade, how many workarounds I investigated...from applying for charity care via the local hospital, to the GoFundMe route, and selling off everything I owned. Among other options.

That being said, the warped course that the health debate took -- from the House Republicans' equally ill-starred effort, to the various Senate alternatives cobbled together in those secret meetings, and "working" lunch breaks -- should spike any notions of the "adults in the room" restraining Trump and his ultra-right acolytes. Look no further than veteran shapeshifters like  Lindsay Graham (D=SC), who breathlessly denounced the "skinny repeal" effort for the TV cameras...only to vote for it hours later.

We heard equally tortured volleys of verbal gymnastics from so-called moderate GOPers like Shelly Moore Capito (WV), Dean Heller (NV), and Rob Portman (OH), who offered varying reservations about Trumpcare's impact on hospitals and vulnerable constituencies, like people with disabilities...only to cave in, as Graham did, and join their fellow "adults" in sending "skinny repeal" down the conveyor belt with a hearty shove. 

Heller's example is especially pathetic, as we watched him zig (first, opposing the Senate's original Better Reconciliation Act as "bad for Nevada," then agreeing to allow to debate on it), and finally, zag (with a few more scripted verbal reservations)...before his knees buckled, and he, too, joined the "adults" on their skinny repeal stampede.

Heller's attempt to play every possible end against the middle smacks of General Friedrich Fromm's actions, as portrayed in Valkyrie. For those who don't know their war history, Fromm is the guy who declined to take part in the July 20, 1944 bomb plot against Adolf Hitler, but held out the possibility of joining the conspirators later...but only after getting proof of the dictator's demise. 

Confronted with the opposite outcome, Fromm hurriedly moved to execute the ringleaders, an act that didn't fool his Nazi paymasters. He, too, wound up executed in March 1945 (having been stripped of his military status the previous -- though, out of deference to it, Hitler allowed him to be shot, rather than being slowly strangled from a loop of piano wire -- lucky guy, eh?). 

Senator Heller hasn't seen the movie, I guess.

If nothing else, the near-success of all this frenetic backroom maneuvering is testimony to the siren song of groupthink -- although, funnily enough, it didn't sway Senators Susan Collins (ME), or Lisa Murkowski (AK), who staked out their opposition from the beginning, and -- unlike their tin-eared, tone-deaf colleagues -- showed signs of actually doing their homework, and listening to their residentes' concerns.

Time will tell whether the political will exists to fix the Affordable Care Act's well-documented warts (which Collins and Murkowski repeatedly pointed out, to anyone who cared to listen).. However, the failure of Trumpcare also proves that the resistance to it -- and whatever equally ill-thought-out initiatives fly off the president's desk -- is alive and well. Without so many millions of us taking the time -- whether it involved marching, picketing, or trying to track down a fugitive Senator or Congressman, ducking their constituents -- we might already have been bemoaning our return to the Dark Ages (as in, 20 to 50 million newly uninsured Americans, depending on which estimate you believed).

I will remember both those nights -- my procedure, and the collapse of Trumpcare -- as long as I live and breathe. I couldn't help but feel emotional after the impact of McCain's gesture sunk in. I'd been working late, as usual, which meant I kept the TV on. Due to the camera angles CNN was using, however, what happened wasn't immediately clear. Of course, the meaning quickly became clear enough, especially after the networks replayed that footage --- which prompted me to tell people: "This is why we do this. This is why we fight so hard to change things."

Of course, plenty of other fights loom ahead. But, for me, the biggest takeaways come down to two points: first, the system worked, for a change. A bad idea remained a bad idea, and stayed on the cutting room floor. The second is an expression attributed to Abraham Lincoln, one that Democratic House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi liked to quote when the GOP cranked up the first of its zombie healthcare bills last spring: "Public sentiment is everything." If you want to explain why Trumpcare tanked, I couldn't think of a better epitaph.. --The Reckoner

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Yer Psuedo Employer Isn't Yer Pal (A Day Late & $80 Short)



I had an unpleasant experience recently with one of my editors at the local paper. Having enjoyed a relatively stress-free April and May, June became an uphill financial struggle, especially the last couple weeks. First, Squawker and I ran out of the decent food. Then we ran out of crap food. With 10 more excruciating days to go, finally, I said uncle, and borrowed $100 from one of my best friends to help me squeak across the finish line. You get the idea.

With invoice time looming on Friday, I called up my editor, and asked if he could make room for a couple last-minute stories, including an update on this road project I'd written about before, and our county school district's 2017-18 budget.

At $40 per story, I wasn't looking for a Pulitzer, just the difference between a $360 paycheck, and a $440 one. Guess which one I wanted?

My editor hedged. “Space is tight tomorrow. You're coming up on an invoice deadline, I take it?”

“You got it.”

“Tell you what, just get 'em to me tonight, and I'll try to find room for 'em in the local section.”

A couple hours later, the email rolls in: “Sorry, No room at the inn.”


My teeth start grinding, and my stomach starts fluttering, but I don't panic. I do what any mercenary does in these situations: adjust my fees, as best as I can, to make up the shortfall. Add $10 here, $15 there, and presto! Now, I have $400, which is still short of my target, but patches some of the holes in my budget.

Fortunately, I've found another transcription company to work for, and I just got paid $100 for some copyediting/proofreading, so all's well with my little corner of the world...at least for now. Only for now. Remember: your bills never stop shooting across your desk.

But what's this episode prove? Your pseudo-employer isn't your friend. Start with the obvious: you're not getting niceties like health insurance, retirement, sick pay, or vacation pay. Your “gig,” such as it is, could end any time, without warning.

Your pay, such as it is, doesn't go up, but your bills never stop coming. How these matters play out isn't your concern, because you have no say over any of them (except in rare instances). Somebody else calls all the shots, not you. If they get the job accomplished with you, great. If they can get by without you, they will.

And, still, you get odd propositions that don't add up. I guess that's why my editor emails the next day, asking if I can cover a competition in a town that's about 30 miles and 45 minutes away. The contest is one of those small town affairs that winds on forever, typically around three hours. So, even if I tack on $15 for gas, on top of the standard $40 rate per story – I'll be lucky to make 10 bucks an hour, maybe, once you plug the round trip in the equation.

So, not surprisingly, I say no. Not only for the economic reasons, but the sourness that's lingering in my mouth over the stories that didn't get in. I'm thinking to myself, you can't put an extra 80 bucks in my pocket, but you want me to cover an event that's barely gonna cover my costs, for which I won't even get paid till next month? I don't think so.



What's funny, though, is how few people seem to grasp how much the Piecework Industrial Complex has changed the nature of work – often, quite drastically, but not for the better. A couple months ago, Squawker and I went to a panel of local state representatives and senators, where you could air whatever was on your mind.

A good 10-15 minutes of that got chewed up over the lack of health care workers – in other words, the underpaid aides and nurses who barely make more than minimum wage, because (as one supervisor charged) “McDonald's pays more,” or they're on welfare, and afraid of losing their benefits.

To which one of our local state reps responded, “Well, we need to address that. We certainly don't want to incentivize people not to work.”

I found myself asking, “Incentivizing what, exactly?” Obviously, this particular local politico seemed unaware of how many untold millions, Yer Humble Narrator included, are patching together several different situations – “gigs,” part-time jobs, temp jobs, whatever you wish to call them – just to pay all these stupid ass bills that gobble up what little they make, till it's time to do it all again next month. Sounds like fun, right?



It's funny – I recently saw Office Space (1997) again, late one night, and wondered how many viewers long for those days when they had a cubicle to inhabit, and a crap job that paid, well, slightly better than the norm – which meant they actually had a little bit of money for a few small pleasures.

Sadly, that doesn't seem to happen for many of today's prisoners of the Piecework Industrial Complex – such as drivers for Postmates, who find that many of their customers don't tip. In return, your car takes a beating, and you're lucky if you earn back the mileage it's racking up. Having fun yet?

I didn't think so, but I'm amazed at how many people seem resigned to such one-sided arrangements as their lot. The first step in tipping the balance is to stop accepting inequity as inevitably woven into our lives. Otherwise, I find repeating a line from one of my favorite local poets that sticks in my brain: “Will somebody save us from us?”

Never forget: no matter chummy your conversations or emails may get with the moment's favored gatekeeper or decision-maker, just remember – they're usually answering to someone else, so their interests aren't the same as yours. Your pseudo-employer isn't your friend. When your latest gig ends, he won't miss you, and you probably won't miss him. Your wallet might, though. Such is life. --The Reckoner

Links To Go (...just cut 'n' paste if they don't spring right away to life)

(Get Out & Make 
Some Money, You Lucky Gigger, You):
Salon.com: Need Proof That 

The Bold Italic: How The Gig Economy
The New Yorker: The Gig Economy
Celebrates Working Yourself To Death:

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Punk Rock Art Corner: We Salute Karen Handel's Glorious Victory


<"This is an example
of the fundamental difference
between a liberal
and a conservative:
I do not support
a livable wage.">


<savannahnow.com>


<"I will not be lectured 
by you or anyone else.">


<You can't believe everything 
you read in the press.
Everyone knows that.">


<"What I support
is moving Medicaid to block grants
so that the state
can drive that process.">



<"Planned Parenthood
is a gigantic bully,
using Komen
as its punching bag.">




<"The people of this district
want a congressman
that they know
that they trust,
someone who has 
a real track record.">






<You can fool 
all the people
part of the time.
And that is enough.">

<Edgar Lee Masters,
"The New Spoon River">

<The Reckoner>

Saturday, May 27, 2017

A Handy Guide To GOP Healthcare Doubletalk


<"Warning! Warning! Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!">
A live plant guards the entrance of U.S. Rep. Fred Upton's district office. Upton is among the many Republicans who have refused to face their constituents, after passing the revived (and more draconian) American Health Care Act. 

No question about it. The details of health care are maddeningly difficult, as our Grifter In Chief's classic response suggests ("Nobody knew health care could be so complicated"), after the American Health Care Act's original demise. We here at Ramen Noodle Nation wholeheartedly agree, though not for the reasons that the Trumpkins might expect.

Republicans are resourceful, at twisting the language when it suits them. Really, it's a tradition that harks back to the Reagan era, one that's returning in full force amid the hurricane of blowback that greeted the U.S. House of Representative's revival of the American Health Care Act. 

One of those tactics is the use of pleasant-sounding, Orwellian wording to conceal the AHCA's scarier provisions (and GOP assertions that don't pass the laugh test). So, without further ado, here's a quick scorecard to understanding what they really mean, once their lips start moving at lightning speed.

Access. Noun. What Republicans claim they're trying to preserve under the American Care Health Care Act. "Nobody dies because they don't have access to health care." U.S. Rep. Raul Labrador (R-Idaho), during an especially testy town exchange recently with his constituents.

Translation: "I have access to buying a $10 million home. I don't have the money to do that." U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders during Tom Price's confirmation hearings for Health and Human Services Secretary.

Affordable
. Adjective. An alleged goal of the American Health Care Act: "It returns control of health care back to the states and restores the free market so Americans can access quality, affordable, health care options that are tailored to their needs."

Translation. Check with the 23 million people estimated to lose what benefits they've gained, in case this nonsense ever becomes law. 

Choice. Adjective. Another stated goal of the American Health Care Act: "The AHCA will deliver the control and choice individuals and families need to access health care that's right for them."  

Or, as House Speaker Paul Ryan couched it, in a USA Today op-ed last March: "That's why we must end this law -- repealing it once and for all. But rather than going back to the way things were, we must move to a better system that embraces competition and choice and actually lowers costs for patients and taxpayers."

Translation. See "affordable." Enough said on that one!

Flexibility. Noun. The quality of bending easily without breaking, ability to be easily modified, or, willingness to change or compromise. (Do any of these terms sound like the Republican approach to dealing with public opposition?)

Another stated goal of the American Health Care Act, as U.S. Rep. Jackie Walorski (R-South Bend) indicated in a statement released in March: "With the American Health Care Act, we are delivering on our promise to the American people to repeal Obamacare and repair our nation's health care system. These improvements will better help individuals and families access affordable health care and give states greater flexibility to implement innovative reforms like those in Indiana."

Translation: This post from Healthcare In America nails it: "Conservative lawmakers want maximum flexibility in health insurance. The free market, rather than the government, should decide if those plans are buying. The Affordable Care Act, on the other hand, set strict guidelines for the types of plans insurer could offer. It put a floor on maximum annual and lifetime insurance benefits and required all insurers to cover ten essential health benefits. Insurers could no longer mini-med plans or exclude specifc types of benefits, like maternity care, from plans.


"Instead of social and financial risk protection, their focus is on promoting personal responsibility. People should know, and purchase, their needed level of insurance. If people miscalculate that risk, then they should have done a better job of figuring out what they needed. That's the definition of personal responsibility. In line with this principle, the AHCA encourages plan flexibility by allowing states to opt out of the ten essential health benefits and allowing insurers to reinstate lifetime limits."

Reform. Adjective/Noun/Verb (depending on usage). Yet another stated objective, as Ryan outlined in March, following initial Congressional Budget Office scoring of the American Health Care Act: "This report confirms that the American Health Care Act will lower premiums and improve access to quality, affordable care. CBO also finds that this legislation will provide massive tax relief, dramatically reduce the deficit, and make the most fundamental entitlement reform in more than a generation."

Translation: See links below. Enough said there, too!

Risk-Sharing/Risk Pool. Verb/Noun. What Republicans want poorer and low-income Americans to accept in exchange for losing Medicaid benefits, whether current or expanded. 

"Running a high-risk pool is not cheap, but it is likely cheaper than the major alternatives: on the one hand, imposing a universal government system like Obamacare or single-payer, or, on the other hand, covering the costs of these patients through medical bankruptcies and emergency room visits." (The Federalist: "Relax: Nobody Will Drown In Trumpcare's High-Risk Pools.")

Translation: Numerous states tried this approach before the Affordable Care Act's passage, with one outcome, as the Center for American Progress notes: "High-risk pools are expensive, and they have a history of being underfunded both before and after the ACA. Insufficient funding meant that patients seeking high-risk pool coverage encountered waiting lists, sky-high deductibles, and premiums double those of standard rates. Given the enormous funding shortfall looming for high-risk pools in the AHCA, there's no reason to think this time would be different."

Skin In The Game. Catch Phrase (attributed to super-investor Warren Buffett). How Republicans justify their spiteful approach to public policy. "It just has to be a system where those of us who consume health care as patients have more understanding of the true costs, have more input as what the decisions are, frankly, that we have some skin in the game." Congressman Bill Huizenga, of Zeeland, explaining his stance after an equally testy town hall in Baldwin.

Translation: :"As Republicans rush to vote on their latest ObamaCare repeal-and-replace plan, it appears to still include an item exempting members of Congress and their staffs from losing the healthcare bill's popular provisions. 

"After Vox reported that the bill agreed to still include the exemption for lawmakers, Rep. Tom MacArthur's (R-NJ) office said separate legislation would close that loophole." (The Hill, 5/03/017)

Until that day comes...sounds very much like a case of, "Your Skin. Our Game."

Soft Landing. Noun. A controlled landing of a spacecraft during which no serious damage is incurred. 

A popular metaphor making the rounds lately among Republican Senators like Rob Portman, of Ohio, as they sound ready to throw benefits of the Medicaid expansion under their well-heeled bus: "I think there ought to be a soft landing, a glide path, where you don't have the cliff the House provides in 2020."

Translation: We'll wait until, say, 2023 or 2025 to give you that push of the plank. Too many people are paying attention right now. We'll stick it to you once we're sure that the threat to our job has blown over.

We welcome further updates. --The Reckoner

Links To Go (Hurry, Before Trumpcare
Kicks In, And Your Skin's Torn Off In Their Game):
Healthcare in America: What Liberals Get Wrong
About The Republican Approach To Health Insurance:
https://healthcareinamerica.us/what-liberals-get-wrong-about-the-republican-approach-to-health-insurance-8b4b93fae6b3

The Atlantic: How The American Health Care Act
Leaves Near-Elderly People Behind:
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/03/ahca-trumpcare-older-sicker-voters/519423/

The Atlantic: The AHCA's Tradeoff: Giving Up
Vital Care To Get Tax Cuts For The Rich:
https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2017/03/ahca-economics/519498/

The Huffington Post: All Of UsMust Resit These 4 Threats To Medicaid:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/all-of-us-must-resist-these-4-threats-to-medicaid_us_592492e6e4b0dfb1ca3a0f11

Punk Rock Art Corner: We Salute Greg Gianforte's Glorious Victory

<"When you make a mistake, 
you own up to it. 
That's the Montana way.">

<https://www.theguardian.com>


<"It's unfortunate that 
this aggressive behavior 
from a liberal journalist 
created this scene 
at our campaign volunteer BBQ.">



>"The guy who loses his shit 
when asked about 
a CBO score, though: 
Now there's a man's man.">




<“As Gianforte moved on top 
of Jacobs, he began yelling something to the effect of, ‘
I’m sick and tired of this!’”>




<"It's not appropriate behavior.
Unless the reporter 
deserved it.">



<"I think people
would be careful 
not to make him mad.">





<"And I must be an acrobat, 
to talk like this 
and act like that...">




<"The Billings Gazette said 
it was "at a loss for words.">


<"Some of us are more than willing to say, 'I told you so'.">

Links To Go (Hurry, Before Rep.-Elect 
Gianforte Slams You To The Mat):
The Guardian: Greg Gianforte's Victory 
In Montana Hands Republicans A Fresh Liability:
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/may/26/greg-gianfortes-victory-in-montana-hands-republican-party-a-fresh-liability

Think Progress: Montana Republican Admits
His Original Story About Assaulting Reporter Was A Lie:
https://thinkprogress.org/greg-gianforte-apologizes-for-assaulting-reporter-ben-jacobs-2663e0bae31e